Metaphysical Crimson Universe

The guy who played Bear Bryant: ‘The truth requires no questions.’
Saban: ‘It is what it is! No more questions!’

By Hunter Ford

I didn’t even bother to watch the Alabama-Auburn basketball game over the weekend. Tide roundball is such a waste of brain cells. It is a meandering, nonsensical, enigma wrapped in a mystery.

No, it’s really not. The truth requires no questions. The truth is Alabama has a lousy coach with a lousy record who has proven he can’t recruit, train or motivate players to win SEC basketball games.

I was watching the Academy Awards show over the weekend and I began to wonder why nobody had ever made a good movie about Bear Bryant. Last night I saw Gary Busey (the guy who played Bear Bryant in a bad movie) jump into an interview on the red carpet. While E!-News reporter Ryan Seacrest was trying to interview two Hollywood starlets, Busey invaded the scene, kissing the starlets and then lurking to the side of Seacrest, making everybody uncomfortable.

Later, Busey called in to a radio show hosted by Seacrest and apologized. Busey called Seacrest an “Innocent champion of honesty.” Busey also reminded Seacrest’s audience to “Pay attention to the light.”

Here are some other nuggets of psychedelic wisdom from Busey.

"The truth requires no questions."

"The word fan is an obsolete word to me. It means two things: fantastic or fanatic. Or something that hangs on a ceiling or sits on a table and blows wind in your face."

"And I know you must remember to chase and catch your dreams. If you don't, your imagination will live in empty spaces, and that is nowhere land."

"Who's going to win American Idol? Oh, that's right.
You're [Ryan] really good there with that Mr. Simon."

"When you commit to making to film, you must commit 150 percent—with no distractions, no substance abuse. Always start every conversation with a compliment, consider other people's feelings first before you consider yours, because you're working with a family and a team on a set."

This is coming from the only man ever to play Bear Bryant as the featured character in a full-length theatrical release.

The editors of E! Online commented on Busey’s radio ramblings.

“It’s all bizarre and nonsensical, but it makes sense in some strange way on a whole other level. Thanks for keeping the red carpet wacky, Gary. We are definitely paying attention to the light now.”

It wasn’t until I heard Nick Saban’s press conference today that I decoded what the brilliant Busey was really trying to say! You see, in the metaphysical Crimson Universe, everything from Mike Price to Mike Shula’s contract extension to Mark Gottfried’s coaching style makes sense if you give it time; in much the same way that Shane from Center Point makes sense on the Paul Finebaum show. And Busey, by virtue of donning the houndstooth onscreen, is part of that great metaphysical Crimson Universe.

Saban felt it was important enough to call a press conference to address a rash of discipline problems on the current football squad. Saban, however, emphatically stated that he would not answer any specific questions posed by reporters. He even laid down cold-hard cash and bet the reporters that, despite his determination not to provide answers, they would still ask specific questions.
Brilliant!

Saban delivered a passionate oratory on how the football program at Alabama strives to prepare its players, not only for the football field, but also for good citizenship.

The Master of the Crimson Universe (who last year used a loss to La. Monroe as an opportunity to draw parallels to the terrorist attacks of 911) of course, never could give specific examples of how this is accomplished. He specifically said he would not go into that!
The state of the Crimson Universe was summed up (once again) by the Master’s all-encompassing answer for everything… “It is what it is.”

Remember to pay attention to the light.